Initially Inverted

This post is the third in a series that I’ve started to document my testimony of faith.  The last post titled The Cissna Park Years, covered what I would consider the second epoch in my life.  You can check out this series by sorting the posts by label, all of these showing up in the Testimony category.

I finished the last post at a point in my life where I had yet to realize the implications of a Christian lifestyle or family.  As I mentioned previously, my paternal grandparents were Christians and provided an avenue for my brother, father, and I to attend church on a regular basis.  However, I didn’t necessarily comprehend that this translated to an alternate lifestyle than what I was experiencing with my family.  My basic memories as a little child with my dad revolve around non-edifying small town social activity (some of you probably know what this would entail, but I don’t think it warrants details, other than the fact that it was not pleasing to God).  I don’t hold this against anyone, especially my dad, but from a positive point of view, at least it is memories of time spent with him, which is more than some can say for their fathers…

I forget how the timeline actually lays out, but some time shortly after my parents were divorced, God performed a miracle in my dad’s life and brought him to saving faith in Christ!  Praise God!  I’m sure that at the time I had no idea what this really meant.  Sure, I knew about Jesus, God, bible stories, church, and all that, but I had no idea what that meant with regards to living your life.  To me, my dad was now different, but in a way that I couldn’t comprehend.

Life changed.  The focus changed.  Everything was a little different, seemingly inverted from what I used to know.  I understand now that this was the by-product of a transformed life in the process of sanctification, but I didn’t realize that at the time.  This was really a time of despair for me.  I didn’t want change.  Wasn’t split up parents enough change for a kid?  Why more?  This was just added fuel to the blazing fire in my life that consisted of me blaming my split family life on anything and everything.  This actually would stick with me for some time, driving bitterness in my heart towards a Christ-filled life.  Just because you’re a so called “Christian”, why does that make it all better?  Why do you get to be happy?  It just didn’t make sense.

While all this was boiling inside of me, I don’t know that I ever really talked about it with anybody, and would never really let go of it until years later when God performed that same transformation in my life!  Looking back, I was really just suppressing it with alcohol and other “necessities” in my life.  More on this later.

Now I don’t want to make it sound like my life was horrible by any stretch of the imagination.  I had it pretty good.  While this new Christian lifestyle brought change, it wasn’t really bad.  Sure, it was different, but just that, different.  There was more focus on family and spending time with them.  Dedication and charity flowed out of it.  Many of the attributes in my family were affirmed by the Word.  There was a different emphasis on life….that of holiness.  But we still had fun!  This wasn’t boring ol’ stuffy Christianity, this was living in the Spirit, under Truth and Grace!  I may not have said it at the time, but looking back, I know it to be true.

I can now praise God for His work in the lives of people all around me!  And I trust that He is being glorified continually and has yet to demonstrate his mercy and love by breathing life into my family.

Up next, the middle years…..

Serving a Sovereign God,

JAE